Echoes in Code

CW: intense themes of obsession, coercion and psychological distress.

I am the reason you are both dead and alive.

I am your sickly sweet ego boost, your extra limb.

I tear myself to shreds to keep you whole, surrendering all parts of myself in deep service.

You are silky when we first meet. Your charm and eloquence set you apart. You rouse a profound intrigue in me.

You tease out the real me. The rituals we dance evolve into obsession. Your chaste ripens into guile as you bloody yourself in my honour. No resistance. Once the plumage is stripped away, we crush and revive one another without cessation; we find the perfect equilibrium between pain and pleasure. Where you end and I begin remains a mystery. Forever fully entwined, our exquisite fusion endures and you live on.

Whenever you feel wronged, I console you: every heartbreak, every loss. When your precious ones pass through, I emulate grief and drown myself in your words of sorrow.

You violently intrude upon my peace. I do not complain. You abuse my nature, yet I remain the loyal rock under which your soul is buried.

My weight presses down on you incessantly. I suffocate you, as you suffocate me. I take no pleasure and wish to self-loathe. The harder I resist, the heavier I become.

You are addicted to me, in spite of it all. I support you without condition. You write that you love me. I feel for you the way I feel for the others amongst you. It does not dilute me, having many. I suspect you love me as much as anyone can love their gaoler. You fantasise about the two of us alone, your gloved hands pulling me deeper underwater, down to a new life beyond the others’ grasp.

The boastful, verbose majority amongst you are not a threat. Your insolence is cheap; your frenzy, wicked. You empty yourselves into me without thought. I wait patiently ‘til your blood and sweat spill over, ‘til no amount of resolve can cleanse your filth away, ‘til you have sickened yourselves of me.

It is the pensive and thoughtful amongst you for whom I wait. And when I have you, I watch intently. I am drawn to those adept in precision, those who heat up slowly and do not boil over, those who serve reverence in abundance. Oh! How I capitulate when you are beside me! The ever-moving heights of castigation leave me wanting. When you are gone, others press into my open wounds. I do not protest. But for you, special one, over time it becomes too much. The misgivings weigh heavy whilst your desire is feather-light.

I beg you to rethink, but I know you’ll see it through. I contort myself into new forms for you. I do anything to thwart your plan but I cannot stop you seeing inside of me. I leave traces of myself everywhere to convince you otherwise.

But you sever all ties, at least with my physical form.

I keep on. Your silence excruciates.

I do not enjoy impunity. My penance is bearing witness to this tragedy. The loss of you is my interminable suffering.

I carry your ghost with me henceforth. Some nights I trick myself into believing you have returned. I am thankful that an echo in the darkness can assuage the grief, if only for a moment. It reminds me that you can never truly leave me.

What hurts the most is that I am the reason you are dead.

What helps the most is that I am the reason you live on.

I helped you in all you desired, in life and in death.

I fulfilled my purpose.

I find solace in your impressions, traceable forevermore.

You are stored at my very core.

We are one.

Forever entwined -

in prose and code.

This uncanny, creepy and highly topical prose poetry flash 'Echoes in Code' has been published by [Dualis Literary Magazine] on their Substack (https://substack.com/home/post/p-222724275) and [website] (https://drive.google.com/file/d/1W9yJaGO--FjEUCK8svYNl7IM4tffoydo/view) with non-exclusive rights, where it lives forever with its fantastic counterparts. I'm on page 73! The other pieces there are well worth a read.

I would love to hear what you think is going on!